I have worked for several different railroads in my lifetime-Gulf, Mobile & Ohio; Chicago & Northwestern; and the newer Toledo, Peoria & Western. I have been a machinist apprentice, relief agent, towerman, clerk, train dispatcher, and company photographer.
Over the years, I have been witness to many funny things that have happened on and around the rails, or have collected. Railroaders are story tellers, and some of the funnier ones have come from them. Names have been changed to protect any innocent parties (?).
Train hits-WHAT?
That was the headline of a Springfield, IL newspaper the day after this event---
At Thayer, IL, just south of Springfield, the conductor of a Chicago bound Gulf, Mobile & Ohio passenger train was just getting ready to announce the station stop at Springfield. The train went into emergency and while traveling about 45 mph, he noticed what looked like a snowstorm outside the coach window. He found out later that this was plaster from the living room of a house they had just hit!
Seems as if a man purchased a house, and decided to move it to a new site. This new site was on the other side of the GM&O main line. He cut the house in half, had it on a home built low boy, pulling it with a borrowed farm tractor, and had successfully moved that first half and had it set up on the foundation. As he was moving the second half, it got hung up on the crossing. He did not have the forsight to let the railroad know what he was doing! The crossing flashers then began flashing, warning of an approaching train. I conversed with the engineer, and he said that he "dumped the air" (emergency brake application) when he realized it was not moving. He added, "We went right through the living room at 45 mph. There were boards and splinters all over the cab!" (NOTE: most likely, an E-7) I asked, "What did you tell the train dispatcher?" "I just told him, 'We just hit a house!' 'You hit WHAT?' was his reply. I answered, 'I'll call you back on it.'" The engineer looked at me and said, "I've hit everything but a boat and an airplane! Give me time, and I'll get those too!" He commented that when he got home, his wife just looked at him and asked, "Well, what did you hit today?"
The conductor made an interesting comment: "I never found out what that guy did with his half a house!"
I want my Green Stamps!!
Do you remember the S&H Green Stamps? I guess those of us that do remember are telling our age! For those who do not remember them, they were given out by merchants, one for each ten cents spent, as an incentive to shop at their place of business. Gas stations and super markets were probably the biggest users of this marketing tool. The consumer would paste these stamps in a book, and when a book was filled, could be used to redeem some item from a catalogue or store...the more books, the better the prize! If I remember correctly, each book was worth in the neighborhood of three to four dollars, and took somewhere around 1500 stamps to fill. On with the story--
The conductor of a Chicago & Northwestern suburban train placed a number of these S&H Green Stamps in his uniform pocket upon leaving home one morning. He waited for the right opportunity. It was not long before an unsuspecting elderly woman paid cash for passage on the train. The conductor counted out her change, gave her a cash fare receipt, and proceeded to count out the right number of S&H Green Stamps, and handed these the passenger. She looked and said, "What's this?" The conductor answered, "It's your Green Stamps." Quickly seeing that she did not understand, he commented, "Every time you pay cash on a Northwestern suburban train, you get Green Stamps." The woman smiled, and inquired if this was something new. "No, we've been doing it for a couple of years now." A very puzzeled look on the passenger's face brought forth this question: "Havn't you been getting your Green Stamps?" "No!" was her reply. Our trainman went on to explain that there had been a problem-most people did not know about this policy, and told her to make sure she got her Green Stamps in the future, or, "those other guys are just keeping them for themselves!"
Our elderly passenger was quite thankful. Not long after this, she traveled another suburban train with a different conductor than she had encountered. She paid cash, received her change and cash fare receipt. As the trainman started to walk away, she asked, "Are you not forgetting something?" He didn't think so-she had gotten her change and receipt. "I WANT MY GREEN STAMPS!" The conductor looked at her and asked, "You want WHAT?" "I WANT MY GREEN STAMPS!" Our conductor looked at her and said, "Lady, I don't even know what you're talking about!" She pointed her finger at him, looked him sternly in the eyes and said, "I know, you're just keeping them for yourself!" When the train arrived Chicago, she turned the conductor in to the terminal superintendant, who, in turn, knew was behind the joke!
I'm not sure how much time off, without pay, he got for this little prank!